Setting Boundaries: How to say "NO"


Setting Boundaries:
How to say "NO"

Setting and maintaining boundaries are survival skills that many of us do not have. We do ourselves a disservice by not setting boundaries for ourselves. We make ourselves susceptible to the hurt that comes with being voiceless.
Okay, I get it, Chelsea I need to set boundaries, but how? Great question! 

There are plenty of times I have found myself doing things I did not want to do, being at events or parties I did not want to be at or even  engaging in conversations I did not want to have; all because I lacked having boundaries for myself. 

First, you must understand that you do not have to say yes to everything and everyone. 

My favorite book of all time says this: 
"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." ---Matthew 5:33-37 MSG

We are all human and have feelings, we can feel when people are being genuine and we can also feel when they are not. If you do not want to do something that is asked of you it is important that you set clear boundaries.

Second, everyone will not like that you are setting boundaries for yourself.

You have to remember,  the boundaries you set are for YOU! If you are someone who always seems to be willing and available for everyone even when it is inconvenient for you; you must understand that this will be a shift for those around you as well. 

Lastly, know what your limits are!

In order to be able to tell others what you are and are not comfortable with, you must know yourself. Take time to learn and see what brings you joy and what does not. Instead of saying "No one respects me" ask yourself "Why do I not respect myself enough to draw the line and say "no"?" 

Do not blame others for your lack of limits, it is not them. 

What I have found to help me get to know myself is journaling.
Here are some journal topics/questions I have used to learn what my boundaries are:

1. I feel good when I say yes to...
I feel bad when I say no to...

2. What boundaries would best align with my values?

3. What boundaries would really help me move forward to where I want to be?

4. What would my life look like if I advocated for myself and set these boundaries?

5. What boundaries am I afraid to set and why?



Comments

  1. This is such an important skill to learn, and one I found myself having to re-learn once I started working. Thank you for sharing these tips!

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    1. Boundaries in the work place....I am happy you were able to navigate it!

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  2. Thanks for sharing, great read!

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  3. Such a great reminder and post! It is so hard for me to set boundaries

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    1. It is definitely a process, do the work, it is worth it!

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  4. This is such a great read and you are so right boundaries are so important. Lack of boundaries has alot to do with low self esteem. The journaling is a great idea those really open up thinking activities for yourself.

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    1. I completely agree, we teach people how to treat us. It starts with us.

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  5. This is a skill that I’m continuing to work on. Great read, thank you!

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    1. Setting boundaries is an EVERYDAY practice, I am so happy you are doing the work for you.

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  6. Thanks for sharing! Learning to say NO was the hardest but best life lesson I learned. It contributes so much to my own self happiness compared to when I was a people pleaser.

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    1. Yes yes yesss! Congratulations on choosing you, I love it!

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  7. This is a great reminder that at some point in our lives we need to set our own boundaries.

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    1. Yes! The sooner the better and the more peace we will have.

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  8. Wheeew I found myself hollering lol. I completely agree with you. Saying no is hard but once you get the gist. It’s liberating.

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    1. Freedom and happiness is the goal! I am happy for you.

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  9. Definitely very hard for me to say No, but once I started there was no looking back, I noticed people were taking me for granted and were taking advantage.

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    1. No looking back, yes! Say yes when you can and say no when you can't.

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  10. These tips are just incredible! I'm going to note down these questions in my notepad and practice this more ♥️

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    1. Journaling can provide so much healing, I hope these questions can aide you in that.

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  11. That really is an important skill and your tips are really great! <3

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